RIP

Drained. I feel like a 50-year old woman going through some kind of insane menopause. I never thought I'd have to go through this feeling ever again.

Can't let go of the heaviness nailed onto my heart and the feeling of absolute betrayal. And can't seem to get that damn burning behind my eyes to go away ... Waterworks, begone.

2008.9.4 - 2010.2.27. RIP 2PM.

http://yaeris.blogspot.com/2010/02/rest-in-peace.html

THIS.

Go to hell, 6PM.

:(

Words are not able to express the whirl of emotions I feel and have been feeling ever since I learned about the termination of Jay's contract. And after reading all those 사생팬 comments, insider 2PM articles and then that abominable conference ... I don't know what to think.

The main question: What went wrong?

How did it get like this?

This is a CONSPIRACY! JYP/E = dickfaces. The end.

On a higher note, 김연아 got gold and we all got to see J.R. Celski's body <3 and also watched 곽윤기 dance to BEG's Abracadabra lol. My favorite is 성시백 though, aka "SEXY 백" ㅋㅋㅋ. I need to watch the figure skating exhibition Gala tonight.


I hope Jay gets to come out on ABDC. Hopefully he's doing well with his AOM homies ... and I hope that the whole planned-speech that JYP set out for him to say (was it tomorrow?) won't happen ... damn JYP! -_-

영원히 재은 ... 항상 네 곁에 있을께.

쓸쓸해.

Finished re-reading 花ざかりの君たちへ for about roughly the 15th time. I never get tired of it, even though the ending was a bit rushed ):

It made me feel really lonely. Ha ha. I WANT TO MEET SOMEBODY LIKE SANO IZUMI ㅠㅠ Shin would be nice too ... Or maybe even know somebody like Umeda Hokuto. Sigh ...

Damn senioritis. I don't want to do anything. And regarding school, I care maybe 1/4 the amount that I did last semester. This is bad, horribly bad.

Lately I've been feeling kind of anti-social. I wonder what's wrong with me. 학교 가기 싫고 친구들 안 만나고싶어. 관심없고 그냥 집에 있을래. 2 months until my 18th + prom and 3 months until I graduate. Time really flies.

I'm also not interested in most of the things that I was interested in, for who knows how long before. Good-looking boys? Whatever. Prom? Eh. Hanging out a lot? Hm. I just want to stay home.

I'm so tired.

... I'm afraid I'm going to cry at graduation.

My entries have been pretty sporadic lately. Rather than trying to get complicated thoughts across, I'm more comfortable with just putting out my random feelings. Somehow it makes me feel really relieved, in some odd way.

I hope I can go to Korea this summer.

Won't be too long before I start church-hopping.

Snacking

I noticed that lately I've been constantly snacking ... which wouldn't be such a bad thing if I snacked on HEALTHY foods but that's not the case. Blergh.

I might not go to prom this year. I don't know. I'm just not pumped up for it anymore. I'm starting not to care about the things I used to be frantic/stoked about.

I've also become addicted to the word lethargic. ha ha ha ha. ah.

Need. to. stop. EATING!!!!!!!! -____-

Tuesday is going to suck, after this 4-day weekend is over.

P.S. I'm sick of people telling me to join tumblr. Go away!

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.
- Oscar Wilde

Sad films

I love crying during a sad movie. I don't know what it is about them but being able to release emotions such as sadness, sympathy and despair towards something that isn't attached to me in any way in the physical world allows me to feel the rawest and most human. Just something about it makes me feel like I'm letting something go from inside of me, something that has been painfully clutching onto my heart. It's a weird feeling that I can't really put into sufficient terms.

On the other hand, I realized that one of my biggest pet peeves is when people can't seem to differentiate when or when not to use bear/bare. Irritating, beyond words. Also, the misuse of you're/your really pulls my strings -_-

Yesterday was a good day. I was out all day from the time I went to school at 8 AM until I got home at 10:30 PM. Recapping for my own sake: it rained, I went to the play with Ana and Mike & was with Michael, Jennifer, Hannah, Angela, Diane, and Elyse. Went to Chipotle with Ana, Mike, & Jennifer and then Borders for a bit. Manga section was fun; the rest of the evening flew by.

I feel like I'm going to regret not making the most of my last couple months of high school, and that the time is going to go by as if it was nothing.

좋은 날

It's only a Tuesday, half past 2 in the afternoon, but so far my week has been amazing ever since Friday. I don't think I've ever had a week where I've been so content for numerous days in a row in such a long time.

Friday I was able to go to Laura's birthday and sleep-over at the hotel. Saturday I went home and slept really peacefully because I was so tired and my parents & I stopped fighting. Sunday, although I didn't go to church, my parents let me sleep in and I rested my aching body and relaxed all day. Monday, I aced my AP Government test and basically didn't stress about school work that day (even though APES & AP Lit screwed me over). I also made plans to watch a school play with Mike and possibly Ana on Friday and my mom said it was alright. I also chatted with Mike on AIM the night before and we spazzed together about random things. I love my friends. And today I actually managed to stay awake in AP Calc BC and I've decided to go in on Thursday to ask for help for my impossible test on Monday but I don't really dread it. I had fun during brunch and also during 5th period student service with Jennifer Moon and I introduced myself to Daniel ... tehehe ;)

I guess the only downfalls pertaining to these past couple of days would be not being able to go hang out with the girls in LA on Saturday afternoon, missing Kevin's sermon on Sunday, not finishing all my Lit homework in class on Monday, messing up on my APES vocab quiz + FRQ and Lit test and having a massive tummyache today ):

I hope the rest of the week is amazing <3

Although, I'm probably going to have to vacuum the house and wash my stinky dog. Boo.

OH! And Happy February. Damn, time's flying. I want a Valentine, kthnxbai )':