All I want for Christmas

Just putting this up to remind myself since I know that nobody bothers to read my blogs :)

- All my CDs/merchandise back.
- UGGs. Or some really nice, warm boots.
- A really thin, delicate, pretty cross necklace. Kind of like this but a lot smaller and thinner: necklace
- Really really cute mittens like with cute color-coordinated patterns or just like this: mittens
- A pretty trenchcoat but not too long.
- A nice, black biker jacket.
- New Vans ... Preferably black or BRIGHT yellow.
- A neon pink/yellow/green Jansport backpack.
- Pretty studs.
- Stylish, elegant earrings.
- New moccasins.
- Someone to take me to Northridge H&M.
- A really pretty silver/crystal ring.
- A new tote bag.
- $50+ gift card to Victoria's Secret ):
- A thick, brown belt. Like this: belt
- A namchin so I can snuggle & watch movies with him under a blanket, because it's cold and chilly now. Boohoohoo.
- Lose 10 lbs before 2010. AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh!

Probably more because I always want things but yeah ... I doubt I'll even get two of these HAHA T_T sigh. Whatever.

13 more days of school left. OMG!

I'm gonna start writing down what I eat everyday.

Bitches

I can't believe how shady and bitchy people can be. Are you shitting me? Don't fuck with me.

Obviously these people weren't afraid of the consequences of their actions and how I'd react if I ever found out or else they never would have gone and blabbed their mouths off like fucking little cuntfaces. 난 그렇게 만만해 보이니? So angry and upset, ugh.

"She told me because we're close." Don't give me that bullshit. Just because you're close with someone doesn't mean that you have the right or the justification to tell them everything you know or heard. And what makes me even more enraged is the fact that the stupid bitch was giving me an attitude when I told her earlier not to tell anybody. "O-M-G Rosemary, trust me. I won't tell ANYBODY, seriously." Okay, sure. I trusted you this one time. And what the hell did you do? You fucking screwed me over.

"I asked her because you guys used to be close." What. The. Fuck. Key phrase: used to be. We WERE close. How slow can you get without actually looking like a shithead with some sort of mental case. I haven't been close to her in 3 years, don't fucking try to pull that shit on me because I'm not so much of an idiot that I would say "Oh okay that's understandable, okay I forgive you." This girl's always saying stupid shit like "Oh snap Rosemary, you're scary when you're mad." Scary? You haven't even seen anything yet. You think this is a joke? What the hell are you trying to pull; why the hell are you trying to screw around with me. And laughing while on the phone ... it's not a laughing matter. Why can't people be fucking considerate and think about others for once. Why don't they ever think ahead and try to imagine what would happen if they fucking opened their goddamn mouths to everybody so that they could look like they have something fucking interesting to talk about.

Oh, and, you motherfucking whore. I know you read my text messages. At least have the fucking balls or the decency to reply to them instead of 3-way calling the actual friend who told me about this shit. And I would have found out sooner or later so don't rant your fucking asses off on her. Fucking pussy. I'm going to murder you.

Fucking bitches.

I can't stand these fucking girls.

I need to get the fuck away from here. Shit. Douchebag motherfuckers. These cunts are going down.

Life Chapters

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

Taking one day at a time. Taking each day as it comes. Taking everyday as a blessing. Taking every breath, every heartbeat, every second as a gift.

It's almost time to say goodbye, 2009. This has been one crazy ride of a year. One chapter ending, another simply just beginning. I wonder what December has in store for me?

I really like these lyrics from Chris Brown's Crawl.

"So we'll crawl 'till we can walk again. Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump. Then we'll fly until there is no end. So let's crawl back to love."

GobbleGobble

Happy Thanksgiving.

Most people start off by listing all the things/people that they're thankful for. But I just had to comment on the fact that when I was checking my facebook, a bunch of people were saying "Thankful for so many things but only one day to be thankful for them."

W.T.F.?

When did it become that Thanksgiving is the sole day that we're supposed to be openly grateful? I mean, sure, a majority of people start taking their blessings as granted throughout the year and then are reminded of them on this particular day but that's a flaw regarding human beings and not something that can be used to rationalize the fact that we SHOULD be grateful for everything everyday of the year. I just found it pretty ridiculous and somewhat amusing that some people actually believe that today is the only day that they can go around saying "I am thankful for this" etc. etc.

Mini-rant aside, I guess I'll conform to the typical ways of today's society (hehe) and say what I am grateful for. But I'm too lazy to explain why so it'll become a ... list, with no particular order.

- Family (as much as I bitch and rant about them) which, of course, includes my cutiepie Mochi! I love my baby.
- Closest friends (they know who they are)
- Other certain friends (har har ... :D)
- The fact that I'm pretty much sheltered from the shitty economy.
- Food. FOODFOODFOODFOODFOOD thank goodness you exist!

Isn't that pretty much it? The people that I'm blessed with are the reason why I enjoy life and the little things that come with it. I guess this is where that one phrase comes into play quite nicely ... a little thing goes a long way.

My dad is coming back from a 2-week business trip in China! He'll be home in about 2 hours. I wonder if he'll decide to rant at me for upsetting my mom while he was away or perhaps about my dismal grades hahah. I hope he doesn't. He should, uh, respect that today is Thanksgiving! Yeah! And hopefully decide to be lenient on me today. Or possibly too tired to make a fuss. Regardless, just thinking about it is making me apprehensive haha ... T_T

So, yeah. Happy Thanksgiving eh? Not exactly 'Turkey' Day since I won't be having turkey tonight.

P.S. I had the weirdest dream about some sort of underground Nazi hotel and a couple friends & I were running from them because we were trying to sneak into their secret rooms where they were dealing ... something ... and my parents somehow showed up like near the end of my dream. And the popo came right when we were about to get taken in by the 'gangsters' (?) and saved us. They had some whaaaack Christmas-looking elevator with balloons everywhere and trap floors that led into some water trough and ugh. Wow. I don't even know what I'm talking about. THAT was a fun dream <3

Heavy Dose of Rain

"I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly.
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly." - Vanilla Twilight, Owl City

I feel melancholy.

I think I care about people more than they care about me. It makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life. Why does it seem like I'm the only one who continuously keeps grabbing the shortest end of the stick? I really have no luck. Or maybe the problem is me.

Eh.

It's been really lonely at home recently. 이상하게 진짜 외롭다 ... 에휴;;;

BOOM!

Headshot. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

I've been feeling so ... out of it lately. It's like I'm floating by the days without really being aware of my surroundings. I also haven't really been in the best of conditions as of late. I think it's due to the fact that I stay up late and wake up early plus the fact that thinking about college applications + finishing up this semester fantastically + going to college stresses me out like no other.

I'm tired.

It's funny how people enjoy judging me and telling me what I think. Ex: "I think I'm fine." "Uh, no you're not." Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I know how I'm feeling a lot better than you might. It's hilarious how people feel as if they're oh-so-intelligent and all-knowing to the point that they feel obligated to tell me how I'M feeling. Reality check, you don't know me, you don't know all the thoughts (or even any at all) that run through my mind. Worry about yourself before you decide to act all superior over someone else.

I'm really tired.

Is school over yet? I just want winter vacation to come around so I can stay home and relax. I don't mind not going out. I don't mind not being able to meet up with friends outside of my house. I just want time to compose myself and to enjoy lounging around instead of worrying about 837492842 things that are going on in my life.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

"I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well." - White Horse, Taylor Swift.

Or so she said ...

I don't know what I'm doing LOL.

In the end the only sure thing is that he takes up too much space in my mind and eats up all the hours of my day. Not that I'm complaining ... (:

I like his kisses. And holding his hands. And messing with his hair. Watching him dry his hair with a towel. Seeing his eyes crinkle when he smiles. Making him laugh. Hugging him around the waist.

But it's not like he's mine & I'm his so yeah. It's all good.

... HAHAHAHAHA, yeah. Embarrassing. Today was a pretty good day <3

Mixed

Quote of the day:

J (10:13:31 PM): don't worry, I thought you looked quite gorgeous today truthfully. the no-braces thing works for you

Surprisingly enough, that made my night that much better. To be honest, I was feeling pretty crappy until I talked with him and I honestly don't have much of a clear idea as to why I was so irritated and grumpy tonight, seeing as how my morning was perfectly fine and my afternoon was the best I've had in ages. Ana is seriously the best, I kid you not. I haven't laughed so much or so hard in such a long time. I couldn't even breath at some of the times I was cracking up and I swear my face literally looked like a tomato <3 funfunfun day, overall.

Had school from 7:10 - 10:05 AM today and Ana came home with me after school. We talked about scary movies and whatnot while we were downstairs in the kitchen and I ended up making a burger for her and myself and just ate and talked until 11:30. Then we fooled around on the internet until around 1:30-ish, leaving people ridiculous videos and pictures on facebook and laughing so hard that I fell off my seat hahah! Soon afterward we oovoo'd with the stooge, Jonathan, all the way until a little past 4 PM HAHA! We're craaaaaaaaazy, I've never oovoo'd with someone for such a long time. Jennifer Moon came over at around 4:10, which was when I got off oovoo with Jonathan and we attempted to do some work (keyword: ATTEMPTED) and then left for HDF at a little before 5 PM. The rest is boring, we just went and kind of got kicked out by the mean fat lady but Heaven, Sora, and their two friends were really nice and gave up their slots for us so that was pretty amazing of them. Helped out from 5:30 - 8 PM. And now I'm extremely tired.

I'm so exhausted -- I have no idea what I'm typing right now. All I remember is being upset and angry today while at HDF because of ... conflicting emotions, and feeling like a complete and utter fool after I got home and mulled over it. I need to learn to control my feelings or else I'll always get the short end of the stick each and every time. Ugh ... his goodbyes were so contrastingly different it irked me to no end. effeffeffeffeff! FML. I'm pathetic. Blah.

Whatever. I hope that tomorrow is an amazing day. I plan on going to bed at 11 PM tonight and waking up at 5 to finish my APES SGQ and study for my test. I'll do my AP Literature poetry response tomorrow in 4th because Mr. Shranz is substituting for Mrs. Ehrman and I will have absolutely nothing to do.

Good night! <3

2-in-1

I can't seem to drag myself away from blogging. I'm not quite sure if it's a good or bad thing. Someone tell me :/

I have a feeling that this is also going to be an equally long blog.

" We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved

This quote really stood out to me especially because of the fact that I'm a teenage girl who has teenage friends, of whom which the majority are always complaining (and bitching, for a lack of a better word) that some guy/girl has this or that flaw and continuously trying to rationalize their actions by blaming it on the other person. Or perhaps the excuse that, if you think about it, doesn't really make any sense at all. "Oh they just aren't my type." Which really does solidify the truthfulness to the above quote and how love isn't about trying to find your prince charming (it's annoying keeping my statements neutral and genderless, takes up too much space) who can't do wrong, but about really, truly & sincerely caring for somebody regardless of their flaws. Quotes like these really just make me mull over the idea of love and how anybody could love another human being to the extent that they'd never want to stop offering their world to them. It makes me want to experience that.

You know, when people ask me what my goals for the future are, I honestly don't know exactly how to answer them. Dream job? Lots of money? Going out a lot? Yeah, sounds amazing, but you could have that and also be living an empty and void life. I just want to be content and be surrounded by people that I love who accept me for who I am and love me back. Sounds simple? If only that were the case.

I kept this screen open for so long that now I've totally lost my train of thought. UGH! I hate when this happens ... I don't even remember what compelled me to blog something tonight.

I'm hoping that Wednesday and/or Thursday is able to make up for the incredibly horrendous day that I had today. To go into a rough account of my day, I basically felt like a piece of walking dog feces or maybe perhaps a big chunk of fat lard at school because I woke up INCREDIBLY late (like, SUPER late, I kid you not) and ended up just running out of the house in the morning. Luckily it was my odd schedule day so I got out of school from 7:10 - 10:05 AM but 3 hours of school is still pretty shitty if you ask me. And then I stuffed myself silly when I got home and later ended up going to Gogi House in Canyon Country with Robert and Jerell but didn't/couldn't eat to my heart's desire in spite of the expensive $16.95 price for all-you-can-eat per person BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT Jerell has no skills whatsoever in cooking the meat so I had no choice but to wield the mommy duties and constantly flip throughout the entire meal ... FML hahah. So in addition to having a terrible morning and feeling like a bloated walrus the entire day today (thus, skipping dinner) my mom also threw some crazy apeshit tantrum at me. It's starting to become a daily pattern. Super tiresome.

"There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Henry David Thoreau

& the Clock Strikes 12 ...

Actually, it's not 12. Who am I kidding? It's fifteen 'till 2 ... and no guarantee that it'll continue to be so once I press "Publish Post" at the bottom of this entry.

I'm really hungry.

I'm starting to become more and more concerned & agitated over my school work but, to be honest, I have no real determination/motivation to get anything done. I wish life was easier. AP Literature & Composition, AP Calculus BC, AP Environmental Science, AP Macro-Economics. Eff you, Advanced Placement courses. I swear I will place a curse on the family bloodline of whoever invented these horrendous classes. I've submitted my CSU applications but have yet to really start on my UC ones, especially the written portions hahah. A very serious FML moment, right here. I have yet to even write a single word for my personal statement. Guess who has a major problem? That's right -- me.

Today -- or should I say yesterday, since it is technically Monday now -- started off as a very neutral, typical Sunday. And then Laura & I basically got chewed out for ditching service. I don't deny that lying to my parents and not attending service is a bad thing but I also can't deny that a certain teacher of ours was grating on my nerves. If someone tells me "you have to do this" it makes me irritated and I rebel. Sounds childish? I honestly don't care. How hard is it for somebody to give advice or suggest some ideas instead of blatantly shoving their ideas and morals down my throat? And not to mention that the first half of the "advice, not lecture" later turned into a "I'm sorry that I'm lecturing you guys" speech. And oh boy, you should have seen the massive amount of times that lady contradicted herself in her forty minute spiel. Ugh.

Whatever. That's enough ranting as it is, I've already done enough with Laura and Stella. Ha ha.

So I actually got some, er, 'studying' done with Ana today at Barnes & Nobles. I can't believe I was able to focus for two hours today and also that it took us roughly two hours to find/answer 20 questions. It's absolutely ridiculous. I don't think I've focused on one single thing, disregarding SAT/AP exams, for longer than half an hour since the beginning of my junior year. Which is when I actually did my homework, for a small period of time that is. Anyways, afterward Ana's dad bought me a gingerbread spice latte that I tried a little bit of earlier that morning. Yummy in my tummy~ He is so kind & generous! <3 Then I went on a mystery drive with Kyle to Canyon Country and tried out Menchies frozen yogurt for the first time in my life and I have got to say that Georgia Peach flavored yogurt is amazing.

And I realized today that I absolutely cannot go past 70 mph on the freeway in the middle of the night in pitch darkness or else I tend to freak the hell out. I think the feeling was accentuated by the fact that the Honda Civic kept swaying/jerking and Kyle kept texting while in the middle of driving ... Drive safely, kids. Or else you'll cause people like me to have heart attacks.

I love my best friends, Stella and Laura <3 And Ana Lava is really the only reason why school is bearable at this point. Senior year isn't turning out to be all that bad, actually. Other than uh, trying to keep up with my ridiculous amount of AP courses and stressing over college applications, life's pretty good if I do say so myself.

I hope after December, things start and begin to stay all uphill (I say AFTER December because the said month contains ... dreaded FINAL EXAMS).

Senioritis, I WILL attack and conquer you ... sometime this week. Which includes my lifelong nemesis, procrastination, alongside you. Talk about a double-sucker punch!

P.S. I lovelovelove free/discounted things, but especially clothes and food. So when Joanne discounted my bbang today, well, I guess we all know where this conversation is going ;) If you're reading this, thanks a bunch <3 You have no idea how much the bbang means to me HAHA! In short, bbang + me = no starving Rosemary in the morning~

P.P.S. I ended up editing this quite a few times because I kept wanting to add some random thoughts that would pop into mind & now this entry is RIDICULOUSLY long and it's 2:50 AM. GOODNIGHT!

Mornings

Sunday mornings always give me such a ... funny feeling. That's the only way I can really put it. I wake up feeling odd and somewhat particularly out of it and it pretty much lasts until the evening, which is when the funny feeling is replaced by overwhelming thoughts of "Oh shit, I have homework due tomorrow!" -_- The same routine day in and day out, I need to start actually doing my school work haha. I'm a pathetic excuse of a senior -- I swear I was born with senioritis.

Anyway, it's getting closer to 10 AM and I still look the same as when I woke up half an hour ago. I should be getting ready for church but the thought of it just kind of makes me cringe. Sometimes I wonder if it's really just the church itself that makes me veer away from going to service on Sundays or if it's actually myself who's lost my way. Thinking about it too hard gives me a slight headache.

Oh well. Hopefully today's plans work out and I get to go to Barnes with a couple of my AP Econ buddies because I'm in dire need of some help in that class, plus I have a test tomorrow.

Cycle

Just when I thought that I was done with you, you reel me back in. At times like these I wonder if you are aware of the hold that you have over me. Or am I just that transparent? I can never say no to you--I can never push you away.

What a fool I am. I reject nothing & accept all of you. And all I am left with is a broken, shattered heart.